Kyle

this has become a place I mainly read. read about my friends, the people I care about, read what is going on in our lives. not too much talking these days. so I tend to hold it in, except for those that want it. no more prose or poetry or whatever has ever entered my lj, this is the last. the last of the last as the other data-fi-ed social constructs have deleted from my web wandering. not that my web was truly ever connected to any other in any way that won't be missed on either end. I still care about all of my friends, but constantly argue with myself about the reciprocation from the closest of them. even the sweet close connection that entered my life has totally burned itself off, with a push that I keep stumbling over, due to it's constant return. I wouldn't push it away of my own accord, for I still care, then there again is the crux of caring, why should I. even someone I had previously considered a brother, I find never truly cared, or maybe that he cares too much about himself to even consider. wonder whether that friendship still means a damn or if it is now a memory and a bystander of the recent burn of events. I have known him a long time and can plainly see in the way he acts what is going on, and it should never have gone that far, for if he had just cared in the slightest he would know where things were, and never let his feelings come into play. still don't know how the other party fits into this, for that is one that burned off the ties and communication that meant anything. I hate when people close themselves off to the ones around them, and that is the only thing that truly hurts. ready to rebuild, wonder what would fill the structures to have them be other than empty shells. ready to rebuild closer ties wishing there would be more than gaping chasms between close connections. wonder whether I can look past the empty spaces in new connections. I wish I could just space myself from the ones I care about, but I feel them like walls closing in on me, barricading me here. wish I could push myself off from the one that started this fire in this space, the fire though is the only thing that added warmth, the only thing creating change in an otherwise stagnant and dried up cess-pool of a situation. and then again aint I the pyromaniac? I don't mean to burn any connections by leaving this here, I miss you all even with it, even the people that are right here. but with this long winded and many run-on rant I bid you a cyber farewell, but oh hell.

P.S. e-mail works well and has more of a one on one quality to it

There is a hole in the toilet
Seriously
Literally

This tree has fallen, it has been sent to the mill, and forgotten. There was a time that has tried to become lost, but it haunts on the winds that blow. A strong sturdy tree that stood, it would try to protect you from these gusts and gales. You can withstand it as if it were a breeze in the leaves. This tree would still stand to protect you from these storms, as it meant it's own breaking. After the fall, still strong yet drying up. I would make something out of these timbers, yet the tools appear to be lost, or perhaps put away and left to rust. This tree will be left aside through time until all there is are splinters for kindling. Could the seed have blown into another field alone to embrace every breath through the leaves.

trying to be a vegetarian on thanksgiving. yeah good idea. it was actually better than i thought! other than my family giving me shit(not in a bad way, just giving me a hard time). but i havent even missed eating meat nor had any cravings. and the greatest part was i wasnt completely sick and full after the thanksgiving meal.

now i am typin in me lj at my grandparents house with a pewter chalice full of wine. i know ima pimp. hehe

been awhile since i posted last. school is crap and it has been holding me back from all the things that i would rather be doing. i wish i could be in classes that i could enjoy. alas it is the last of my general ed, and i knew it would be difficult getting back into the swing of school. by the way having to rely on a group (ie:my group discussion course) for a grade is utter b to the s. hopefully i will get a chance to get my brain back to spitting out some words in a creative way, something to make a productive day. ^&^

hand, i generally think that it is all bullshit. deep down i probably still wish for it though.

2 years of love and running from their past, they came together this saturday last. on a rainy evening at their house just outside of town, with everyone so far from a frown. her sister bringing them together in their crowded living room, with the heat from the fireplace it didn't end too soon. from the warmth dripping off my brother's brow, he must have been nervous i can imagine how. and bringing families together when they wed, we were all off to be overly fed. to see him now with the circle binding his hand, for a love that will surely stand.

life emulates nature. mother nature hates mankind. we are harsh and receive harshness in return. from natural disasters to the most beautiful landscapes, we see the harsh contrasts that dichotomize every part of us. did the last sunset you saw bring cohesion to your body, mind, and soul. or did the last earthquake you survived rend you apart so wide you were filled with a vast ocean between every part of you. have you learned to swim with the most dangerous creature inhabiting your seas, or have you become that creature. and do you hide in a pod of playful dolphins or harmonious whales. or are you actually something as beautiful as those.

Charlie Brown is in town